Ok-so I haven't written in awhile. I have been quite sick for while. You see I got parasites somehow. Alas-I went to see the doctor but the medicine he put me on for a week was not strong enough. I remembered Friday that my supervisor is an MD and used to work in the field as one. I asked him what I should do. He was kind enough to pick up the drugs for me and bring them to my neighborhood. After taking them I don't think I've ever been so nauseous in my entire life! Alas, I am feeling a bit better today but we shall see.
Somedays, such as last Thursday, I have started to think of the things I will miss when I get back to the States. I honestly cannot believe that my time here is almost up. However, I feel like I have been here for an eternity at times. One of the main things I will miss is the baguettes. I will miss everyone speaking French around me and my learning of the launguage continually growing. I will also truely miss the boabab trees that are truely magnificent not only in their beauty but in the coolness and shade they provide. In some ways I will miss the lack of stress here. If I'm in a mess or in a jam, there is not a whole lot I can do to get myself out of it. In a weird way that takes the pressure off. I will not miss the electricity or water cuts, however it creates an atmosphere once again of there not being a whole lot you can do. It forces you to learn to cook in candlelight, to read by candlelight, to play boardgames like you were kids as Bromwen and I did last Friday with Monopoly. We laughed as we remembered tournaments our families used to have that would go on for days and even weeks sometimes. Here there isn't the pressure as there is in NYC and at school to always be on top and pressure to succeed beyond measure. The sheer frustration of the mindset here where no one thinks beyond today tends to lend itself towards a whole lot less stress and anxiety. I can now see the immense appeal to this. Imagine a world where you never stressed about tomorrow. Unfortunately, for me this is not quite possible. I was able to get into the mindset for a bit when I didn't feel I was ever leaving here. However, now as I start to feel my time coming to an end, my identity of being American creeps back slowly but surely, starting to worry about finances, school, what will I do when I graduate in a year, etc, etc.
I slept in again today as it is Sunday and you dread the heat you will feel from the intense African sun. As I was drinking my Lipton, I turned to BBC World. They were showing a documentary called "Escape from Luanda". Watching this documentary was just what I needed. You see I have not left the house in two and a half days due to my illness. I was writing in my journal last night how I feel I have lost my passion, my inspiration. I have been on the journey since August of 2000 to make an impact, to help others, to serve. Here I do not feel I have been able to do this at all. Perhaps something I have learned while working here is that I desire and thrive more in a hands-on basis atmosphere. This documentary is about a music school in the capital of Angola. Angola is a country ravaged my war for many years. A woman in the community decided to start this school and has given hope and opportunity to many.
I find myself now at a point I feel I have never been at. I am almost 28 and halfway through my graduate school career. I am now not sure that I have chosen the right field, the right degree to get. You see, I have always been the person who knew what she wanted and went after it with nothing stopping her. Now, I am not sure what that is anymore.
Gabrielle
Somedays, such as last Thursday, I have started to think of the things I will miss when I get back to the States. I honestly cannot believe that my time here is almost up. However, I feel like I have been here for an eternity at times. One of the main things I will miss is the baguettes. I will miss everyone speaking French around me and my learning of the launguage continually growing. I will also truely miss the boabab trees that are truely magnificent not only in their beauty but in the coolness and shade they provide. In some ways I will miss the lack of stress here. If I'm in a mess or in a jam, there is not a whole lot I can do to get myself out of it. In a weird way that takes the pressure off. I will not miss the electricity or water cuts, however it creates an atmosphere once again of there not being a whole lot you can do. It forces you to learn to cook in candlelight, to read by candlelight, to play boardgames like you were kids as Bromwen and I did last Friday with Monopoly. We laughed as we remembered tournaments our families used to have that would go on for days and even weeks sometimes. Here there isn't the pressure as there is in NYC and at school to always be on top and pressure to succeed beyond measure. The sheer frustration of the mindset here where no one thinks beyond today tends to lend itself towards a whole lot less stress and anxiety. I can now see the immense appeal to this. Imagine a world where you never stressed about tomorrow. Unfortunately, for me this is not quite possible. I was able to get into the mindset for a bit when I didn't feel I was ever leaving here. However, now as I start to feel my time coming to an end, my identity of being American creeps back slowly but surely, starting to worry about finances, school, what will I do when I graduate in a year, etc, etc.
I slept in again today as it is Sunday and you dread the heat you will feel from the intense African sun. As I was drinking my Lipton, I turned to BBC World. They were showing a documentary called "Escape from Luanda". Watching this documentary was just what I needed. You see I have not left the house in two and a half days due to my illness. I was writing in my journal last night how I feel I have lost my passion, my inspiration. I have been on the journey since August of 2000 to make an impact, to help others, to serve. Here I do not feel I have been able to do this at all. Perhaps something I have learned while working here is that I desire and thrive more in a hands-on basis atmosphere. This documentary is about a music school in the capital of Angola. Angola is a country ravaged my war for many years. A woman in the community decided to start this school and has given hope and opportunity to many.
I find myself now at a point I feel I have never been at. I am almost 28 and halfway through my graduate school career. I am now not sure that I have chosen the right field, the right degree to get. You see, I have always been the person who knew what she wanted and went after it with nothing stopping her. Now, I am not sure what that is anymore.
Gabrielle
2 comments:
Remember that you are in training right now to be the person that makes a huge impact. While you are in training you may not feel like you are making a difference. It is the training that will have you make the most powerful impact in the future, it's like an investment that pays off later. You being there is just like money sitting in account collecting interest. You just don't see all the interest that is collecting until a few years down the road you think, whoa, how did I end up with $3,000 extra dollars?! All your hard work will pay off, we all lose our passion at some point, it's just the down part of the roller coaster, nothing more. I love you!
Hi - glad you liked my film (Escape from Luanda). It's really tough these days getting such films made so it's all the more worthwhile to hear that people have seen - and maybe even liked - it. In fact we've had lots of donations for the school (even a violin) so we're very pleased. All the best, Phil Grabsky, Director
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